fear of the future

omg there are only 7 weeks left in the school year.
and 8 weeks till graduation .
ive been so busy lately with classes, homework,projects, tests and applebees.
its like all this information is being fed to me and i keep making all these to do lists but they end up being lost in the shuffle of other to do lists.
in the end it will be worth it though just for that fucking diploma..
but im so afraid, so anxious and excited.
i am so tired of high school. i have complete senioritis right now.
i hope this new chapter in my life will be exciting and happy and all that cute shit.
or maybe all the gloom will stick?
will i be this lonely little loser girl for the rest of my life?
or is it just a phase??
well that i dont know and i cant predict...
im scared..i dont know what to expect...am i ready for this...for "real" life?
am i ready to be treated as an "adult"?
the true panic is setting in.
fml

akwardness

oj (break up song)-MURS...
MURS is my favorite artist right now. his music speaks for himself
hes real no fake shit with him....the truth and funky and very very original...THE BEST PART?? HES FROM L.A.<333

Break Up [The OJ Song] (Album Version) - A. HAMILTON

Today at applebee's i saw this guy that i used to have a crush on. i met him at a gig through a friend then he found me on myspace and he sent me a friend request.
i thought he was cute. he taught i was pretty and shit... i was just like "okay" kind of like wondering cuz he would tell me how drunk he got and he was 22 and i was barely 17. and very inexperienced. he kept trying to meet me but i got over it and we would stop messaging. it was very strange. well anyways today i saw him i barely recognized. i only saw him once at night and on the computer...but i remembered he had plugs and tatoos...he was with this chick... i didnt say anything but every time i passed by his table he would just quickly look at me then look away...it was awkward oh yes i do think he remembered me lol.

waiting and rollercoasters

today is sunday the last day for my spring break.
it was pretty dope.
i did some stuff.
i went to knotts berry farm yesterday<3
i love knotts, i went on ghostrider 2 times.
i went on most of the rides except for silver bullet,wipeout,perilous plunge.
but i went on most of them.
we went from 10 am to like 11. we waited in line to ride on ghostrider
right when they were closing down the park.
it was worth the wait though...
i <33 roller coasters
i <33 the adrenaline rush u get.
but when we got home we were so fucking tired we just knocked out.
we didnt wake up till noon.
awesome spring break :]]]

now its back to school tomorrow and back to applebees :[
oh cruel,cruel world...
today i was thinking about my school and all the people i dislike.
its awesome to know that two months from now i wont have to be forced to be in the same space anymore...
i cant wait till my graduation.
yay:]]]]]]]
i want to flip off everyone or something like that
so im officially counting down the days!
theres about 58 days left...
i hope while im waiting for the day i dont implode or something out of desperation.
wish me luck....
fuck high school
im sooo over that bullshit

lucky i guess??/downtown l.a.

my day started off at 5:30. i cant possibly remember the last day i was up this early. this was really early for me.the reason for disrupting my sleep was that my sister needed to go to juvenile court in norwalk for her loitering ticket...bullshit right? she got a ticket like 2 blocks away from school and she was also walking towards school she was just late for first period.
she had to go to court so she could see what she was gonna get...she got community service 40 hours and gotta pay 35$. well in the morning we had to go all early because my mom did not believe me that i knew how to take the bus to norwalk..even though i did and i looked it up on the metro website and everything. my dad had to drive us there like 2 hours early we were there at 6 am and her court was at 8:30.
luckily though i was all hyped up on coffee <3. once we were at the courthouse it was packed with all these kids and their parents.
i saw a few kids from my high school most of them were little wannabe scene girls eeewww lol. my sisters "case" was done like in 30 minutes luckily i had my i-pod and my book so i was set.
once it was over i asked my sister if there were any juicy stories and she said yes, that one girl was caught smoking weed at school and she needed to go to drug counseling. i was like whoa.
my mom recently found my smoking peace like a month ago and she found a lil bit of (MEDICAL might i add, good shit) weed and she threw it away,too so i knew in the back of her mind she taught about me when she was talking about the case.
she was saying "i know you had some troubles at school too jackie and your lucky that you never got caught by the police"
in my mind i was like "hell yeah" i think i would of gone to juvi and my parents would of disowned me if they knew the whole story of my high school career.
i was thinking damn i am lucky i did not get caught....
i would smoke weed and drink at school and also ditch school a lot.
wow i cant beleive i didnt get caught...damn":/...crazy girl i was.
some people are lucky i guess? (i feel guilty though):/

after that whole thing i convinced my mom that we should go to little tokyo...
ive been there a couple of times on the bus so i know where its at...
so we get off the bus and were walking down san pedro. we walked a block and then 2 more then 4. we were lost. oh no. my mom and sister were tired of walking around aimlessly in downtown L.A. i was like aww shit. where the fuck is little tokyo?
we saw the Disney concert hall though lol. which was cool.
after a while were just like lets go home. so we found the bus stop. i was dissapointed. my mom was saying maybe we should ask someone for next time.
so the bus comes and i ask the bus driver little tokyo is on san pedro. the same fucking street we were walking on before we got lost. a minute later she informs us that our stop is next...so my moms like fuck it lets just go we already know where its at. were walking and im like fuck we cant find it! my moms gonna get mad...then off to the distance i see it! huzzah..little tokyo :]
we finally made it. we get there i check out the new hello kitty shop. and we eat sushi and teriaki...mmm it was delicious and also the sushi was 50% off even better :] ahh all that walking was worth it though....we had a wonderful time at the restaurant and i got something from the hello kitty store too.
damn today was a pretty wicked day...
long post yup...if u read it all ur awesome...
now i cant wait till knotts berry farm and a sleepover with my cousins in the o.c.
i love spring break<3

memoirs of a packrat

im a fucking packrat.
i hate it so.
ill die in my room,alone and fat.
trapped under my nylon magazines from '07
just kidding haha :/
honestly i am a packrat
it is very annoying
this spring break one of my things on my to do list was
to clean my room out.
its wednesday and i still havent done it.
my laziness gets in the way.
i hate how i cant throw anything away.
like yesterday i was looking at some of my english homework and essays thinking
"i cant throw these away what if my sister has the same class her senior year, she could use them" She will be a senior 3 years from now.
well today i got no plans so im thinking of cleaning. i need to do it. NO I MUST DO IT. wish me luck bloggers.
im scared.

real love

a love i can always depend on....comes from my family...i am sitting infront of them blogging right now....just ended a session of laughing our asses off.
i love my sister and mom and how were so random im glad my mom has an awesome laugh...and my sister is my best friend...my dad strict yet silly.
my big brother awesome and nerdy and himself... times have been hard right now between my brother and dad but hopefully everything will be fine...cuz in the end were just a super close family that loves to laugh and act weird(well for the most part)
:]

busy

wow i haven't been able to write anything on here lately ive been so busy with work and school..everything's so crazy right now...today i went to work and came home.. my lazy friend Danny couldnt get off his lazy ass and come pick me up at Applebee's :[ for his own band practice.you fucking lagger and i cant go tommorrow bcuz i have work also...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
oh well im so fucking tired ive got nothing to do..all dresses up and nothing to do you could say. my bodies like so exhausted i even missed my friends birthday thing today...and also because its an hour bus ride and im not up for that right now...so im just relaxing at home :]....Funk yoo Danny....

friday was the last day of school and now im on spring break a whole week :]
yayayayayayay so these are the plans:

venice beach with the kids
knotts berry farm with O/D/S/S
finish my are project
band practice with Danny if he does not lag it
clean room
try to finish my art project...
finish art project
finish art project.

hopefully i wont get lazy and end up not doing any of these
that would mos def suck