3 weeks until graduation day!

wow i cant believe how fast senior year has gone...i have to say senior and junior year will definitely be the most memorable....drinking, passing out, making out,smelling like cigs, reading boring books,hanging out, watching the sunset, photo shoots,breaking up, transferring schools, making new friends,loosing old friends.
its all been so much over the past two years and now im so fucking excited to leave that behind and start another chapter...
but what makes me most sad is the fact that im gonna miss some friends i always seem to make a new group of friends at the end of something..like the ending of high school im meeting a lot of new people.
it sucks because i dont get comfortable around people until ive known them for about 2 months...sadly...i get so nervous and shy and quiet....oh well.
yay graduation!!!
my redemption!

he's hot but hes bi-sexual

haha what a funny title lol.
so theres this guy that ive known (technically i dont know him but ive seen him since freshman year at school). well yeah we used to sit at the same table but we never talked. i always thought he was kinda weird..and i though he was gay because he had these orange weird corduroys. that to me screamed gay! so for like 2 years i didnt think much of him except that hey its that guy with the brightly corduroys kinda weird.
so im on my way skipping to class, im chirping along minding my own business when suddenly i see him. well it was technically the first time i saw him since i transferred from my other school... well yeah i see him and this foo is like "bless his momma FINE" mmmm....that boy is fucking sexy..hehe. he has grown a sexy beard not a creepy guy beard but a "yeah im sexy type of beard" lol. oh yeah and that boy is also smart he is going to UC BERKELEY (my dream college-im totally jealous,been my dream school since freshman year). so today im hanging out with my friends. one of them is a aspiring photographer. she whips out her camera, im going through the pictures and what do i see?? I see HIM (Ediberto this sexy man candy) OMG he was posing fo her he looked like a fucking model he was wearing a black vest, blue levis and a plain white shirt....dammnnn. he looked so gorgeous. so im asking my friend WTF?? why didnt u show me these before??then something came up about if he has a girlfriend...and then she drops the bomb HE IS BISEXUAL. my heart sank NOOO!!! i was kinda right then my other friend said there is no such thing as bi he is gay.
dammmnn that sucks i dont think i could ever be with a guy thats bi. oh well
is there such a thing? or is he just plain old gay??? :[[[
oh well ill still fantazise about him
oh well so in the honor of him here is the classic 90's hit "shoop" by salt n' peppa

to hell with you and all your friends

"the house is so alone, disheveled and nowhere to go"-me....
its friday and im here sitting by myself at my house no ones here....
im wearing a p.j. shirt and jeans i wore today...my plans got screwed.
i was supposed to drink today but yeahhh that went down the drain :[
my friends were too hungover from yesterday and there trip to a 18 and over club.
i might go drink with them tomorrow but its gonna be in a party atmosphere.
"me+parties+socializing+wannabe hipsters=noo noo goodness"
i suck in those situations..i prefer to drink with close friends who know me already not new people...damn my anti social ways...
:[ oh well...right now im just listening to music and blogging.
amazingly im not bored im just relaxing, chillaxing. earlier i was reading my past issues of vice and nylon magazines. that kept me entertained for about 2 hours and before that i took a nap...then i ate.
yup thats been my friday....may sound boring to you but fuck it. im sattisfied and even inspired you could say...this aint so bad i guess.
i love days like these when no ones home and i have the house to myself...
i am happier by myself lots of times then being in big groups...i sing and dance when im alone...i can think more clearly.
im a loner and i love it...i wish i could smoke inside my house though...
now that would be perfect.

ive decided

once i finish my general ed @ east la college...im gonna join the peace corps...thats like 2 years from now...but i might as well start planning now.
i cant wait! i'm gonna travel and volunteer what can be better than that?
i wonder how my family will take it when i tell them..
haha...i can totally picture myself doing something like that...i dont wanna wake up two or three years from now doing the same shit ya know?? might as well help the world, que no? and also i love tutoring kids and volunteering...and one of my dreams is also to travel...itll be a hella good experience.
:]
what do you guys think?

ink n iron

2nd post of the day!
so theres this tattoo convention im planning on going its called "ink n iron"...
its at the queen mary in long beach...yayay if i go it will be my 1st tattoo convention...im so psyched for it!...maybe ill even get my first tat there...and omfg the guys ooooooooooohhh.....!
:]
damn it!

id slap myself silly if i could...

sooo today i was talking to my sister about "judging" people.
and i told her that i do too much of that. i honestly do, its a problem.
im always judging people and ive realized that ive missed out on what could of been good friendships all because of my stupid insecurities inside.
i guess it all comes back from middle school. everyone judged me on my appearance.
so it all was boiling up inside me. until it unleashed itself on innocent people. maybe they were nice maybe they were a-holes ill never know.
how will i change? can i change? im a very sensitive person that keeps there feelings inside,i guess im bitter from all the bullshit thats gone in my life.
but there is also alot of good things that have gone on too.
and i have good friends that didn't judge me and got the time to know me.
its all up to me i guess.. and my perspective on people...
i need to let go of my bad feelings. i cant keep on living this way.

18 years of breathing and dreaming

so yesterday was my birthday.
i am now 18.
i had a little birthday with some family and friends.
we had chicken and pizza and chocolate cake...
i just got some money not much..
but its allright because i had a wonderful time..i wish my birthday was everyday lol.
i felt like i had alot of confidence. i wish that confidence was with me everyday:/
we watched rocky horror picture show, house bunny and donnie darko.
today i officially bought a tobacco product with my i.d. lol.
i bought a grape swisher sweet to roll my bud with. ahh damn my friends got me soooo high for my birthday haha
it was fun we just hung out at the park. my friend got a ladybug high.

yesterday i had this dream that made me realize how alone i am.
and how i need a boyfriend ugghhh.
i hate trying. im too lazy for that shit..to make a move at all.
why cant it be easier to look for someone??
to be with someone. i mean all i really want is a tall boyfriend with a beard, loves music an movies nice to his mom..and other quirks....
and in return i would try to make him smile,hold his hand,kiss and hold him, love him. make love to him. go out to the park. for walks. or just stay home and watch movies and cuddle and vice versa... thats all i want is that so hard???
fuck my life