18 years of breathing and dreaming

so yesterday was my birthday.
i am now 18.
i had a little birthday with some family and friends.
we had chicken and pizza and chocolate cake...
i just got some money not much..
but its allright because i had a wonderful time..i wish my birthday was everyday lol.
i felt like i had alot of confidence. i wish that confidence was with me everyday:/
we watched rocky horror picture show, house bunny and donnie darko.
today i officially bought a tobacco product with my i.d. lol.
i bought a grape swisher sweet to roll my bud with. ahh damn my friends got me soooo high for my birthday haha
it was fun we just hung out at the park. my friend got a ladybug high.

yesterday i had this dream that made me realize how alone i am.
and how i need a boyfriend ugghhh.
i hate trying. im too lazy for that shit..to make a move at all.
why cant it be easier to look for someone??
to be with someone. i mean all i really want is a tall boyfriend with a beard, loves music an movies nice to his mom..and other quirks....
and in return i would try to make him smile,hold his hand,kiss and hold him, love him. make love to him. go out to the park. for walks. or just stay home and watch movies and cuddle and vice versa... thats all i want is that so hard???
fuck my life